SO IT'S GOODBYE, MARK AND DI

Dear Mark & Di,

My conversation with Jim was very informative. He tells me that you “get nothing” out of worship. So, this is the third issue I have to respond to.

I want to begin with a very serious question: what do you expect to “get out of” worship? Please think about it; it is not a flippant retort. I believe one of the biggest failings in the church is to understand what worship is, and what worship is for, and what worship does, and what worship is about. Can you answer these questions? Surely, as critics of our services, you know the answers.

When I was 16 I received a gentle but effective rebuke from a minister’s wife. She was an Anglican; her husband a Presbyterian pastor. I happened to say in her hearing that I got nothing out of an Anglican service that I had attended. Very quietly Muriel asked me, “Were there scripture readings in the service? There should have been if it was the Church of England.” I replied that indeed there had been. Equally quietly she responded “In that case the only person who can be blamed for getting ‘nothing’ out of the service was you for only someone who is spiritually dull would get nothing out of hearing the Word of God”. What brought me up most sharply was not that quiet, gentle Muriel should have spoken to me like this, but that I had revealed my own spiritual weakness.

It is easy for us to find fault in a worship service. If we are awake for more than 50% of the time in any service we will find flaws and imperfections. But if all you are there for is to identify the weakness and imperfections of others I would suggest you have forgotten something that Jesus said about specks and planks in the eyes.

I have to say I don’t want to enlist in those worship wars which endlessly discuss the date of composition and instrumental arrangement of psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. Such arguments are too often just debates about taste. The Romans had a motto: de gustibus non disputandum – there’s no point arguing about taste. I read articles by Christians where they bite and devour each other over questions about worship and yet when you read carefully you see that all they are doing is saying “I am right because I like plainsong/baroque/Wesley/ Sankey/21st Century Christian music and you are wrong because you like plainsong/baroque/Wesley/ Sankey/21st Century Christian music.” (Delete where applicable). I think I am most grieved that those whose musical taste is closest to mine and who often express the most arrogant and elitist attitudes to brothers and sisters in Christ.

If you want to know what scripture teaches about worship then we could look at it but frankly I am not sure you want to do that. Anyone who talks about “feeling” that they “get nothing out of” a service is not interested in biblical theology.

So, Mark, Di, what do you look for in our services: big band modern praise? Sorry – we do not have the personnel or the skills for that; we’re a small church. Times of free praying and sharing? You don’t come to the prayer meeting or the evening service where there are such opportunities. We do have - in the services you have decided to abandon - an eclectic mix of singing ranging from the 5th to the 21st century - all characterised by having stood the tests of time and the common acceptance of Christians of many traditions. We have public reading of the Bible; prayer that is contemporary in form yet connects with a long liturgical tradition; preaching which is warm, expository and contemporary in its application; children’s work by dedicated and gifted volunteers; the beauty of a fine building combined with the comfort of modern facilities. A small church can do these things; it can even, with commitment, do these things well. It is such a pity that none of this is for you.

Yes, I can see – you are right to leave us. Do let me know where you find what you are looking for.

Neil

THE SECOND EPISTLE TO MARK AND DI

Dear Di and Mark,

I gather from your e-mail that so far I do not seem to have convinced you that small church life (as you have found it) will ever meet up to the standards you feel you met in large church life and which you think should be part of every church. Let me try a second plea in defence of the way things are.

(An aside here: don’t assume that the fact that I accept the way things are is complacency. I long to see God build St Columba’s into a much better representative of how the church on earth is meant to be. However, God is working with clay like me and there will always be, in every aspect of the Christian life, a tension between what is now and what is still to be.)

Your second complaint is that there is nothing for your teenage son. You are right if you mean we have no Youth Group or whatever. Before responding directly to your charge I’d like us to think about youth work.

It is an understanding widely held in Christian circles that Youth Fellowships are self-evidently A Good Thing. To be honest, I think the case is far from made. We have no evidence of the NT church having such things and quite a few tantalising hints that the early church was such that all ages and social backgrounds mixed together in the local congregation. We need to ask, therefore, if such organisations really have a firm scriptural foundation or whether they are just things we are permitted to do - but do not have to. We also need to ask if the huge effort demanded of youth leaders is worth the fruit they show. Make no mistake: someone has to give time, effort, energy, money and enthusiasm, in vast amounts, to run a Youth Group. To what end?

Having asked the questions I now turn to your complaint. You are presumably clear in your own mind that Youth Groups are biblical and that a Youth Group will achieve that which could not otherwise be achieved by the church. Why do we not have one?

Our reasons, I have to say, are not due to high theological motivation or even an idle opinion that such groups are pointless. They are far more practical. There just are not enough “youth” in a small church like ours to have a group of them. Let’s put this into context. Our town’s High School has a little under 1100 pupils aged 11-18. The Christian Union group has a regular attendance of 12-15 of whom your Jason is not one. (Yes – I have checked with the CU Leader). I know it is over-simplifying what may be a complex set of reasons (conflicting interests, peer pressure, a busy schedule) but Jason does not seem to want to be part of a group of people of a similar age who gather in Christ’s name.

Now try to see that there is a general problem with dedicated youth work, in a small community, in a post-Christian world. There are 12 churches in this town – in other words, an approximate average of one young person at the High School Christian Union from each church. I would be delighted if we could offer some sort of ministry to young people like Jason – but how do we set about it? We do not have appropriately gifted leaders and we do not have the youngsters for them to lead. This does not mean that we do not care or are not willing to make the effort. We have considered the matter and we have decided to try a different strategy. We offer something which you have declined. We have a system of mentoring teenagers so that each is assigned a mature Christian who will guide, counsel and befriend them. If you had looked around after morning service you would see Tracy with Mrs Duguid and Ian J with Alan Henderson in corners of the church huddled in discussion. They were working through a short discussion paper based on the sermon. All 4 – the two adults and the two teenagers – say it is helpful and challenging to have to relate what they had heard in the service to their everyday life. More than that, trans-generational friendships have developed and hobbies and interests shared. Ian helps Alan with his digital camera; Tracy is learning calligraphy with Mrs Duguid. You, however, expressed the view that Jason was not mature enough for this – despite the fact that you allow him to go with his friends to see Certificate 15 films.

I understand well that we parents have a constant battle to see our children formed by the Word rather than by the world. I believe the biblical pattern for Christian child-rearing is first the family and secondly the church as the forming grounds. A Youth Group is a poor third. I would also argue that the small church can offer opportunities (such as our mentoring programme) which the large fellowship cannot. We can, however, only offer them and if you decline and say you want something we cannot produce we have ended up with a stalemate.

I know that in this town you will not find a church with a Youth Fellowship that can provide what you, and maybe Jason, want. So what will you do? Travel 50 miles to the nearest large gathering? Are you up to doing that on all the occasions when Jason will want to go bowling, or for a pizza, or to a gig with the Youth Group you hope he will find? How well will you know the individuals who will be leading this distant Youth Group? How able will you be to keep an eye on the agenda they have? What will they be teaching Jason? How aptly will he be being equipped for the world he will have to live in? The distant gathered church with its large congregation and multiplicity of programmes will make demands on you which are going to be costly. By opting out of the local church you are committing yourself to paying this price. I hope it will be worth it.

Neil

THE LETTER I DIDN'T WRITE

(But really wish I had)


Dear Mark and Di,

I gather from Jim that you have decided to leave us – indeed by the time you read this you probably will have gone. We will be sorry to lose you; your contributions to church life have meant so much to us.

You told Jim there were three things about St Columba’s-on-the-Rocks that persuaded you to leave. I will consider the first and perhaps come back to the other two in due course.

You said we were “unfriendly” and you gave as a typical example the way Mrs Livingstone never smiles and complains about the noise your children make. “Friendliness” is a strange thing. When we first enter a church the response at the door can be a make or break the experience of that church. During the first few months of your stay with us you remarked how friendly people had been. You, Mark, especially benefited from the coffee, hospitality and even meals from church folk while you looked for a house to bring the rest of the family to. I think it is fair to say that the greater proportion of people in your social circle now you are all settled in town is made up from members of this congregation.

But you are not new now. You are part of the fitments and fixtures of the place. People are not going out of their way to speak or invite you for a meal or involve you in activities because they see as part of “us”. It’s like family life – much of our relating to each other in a family goes on without us deliberately inviting each other – family is just there; we take each other for granted. It doesn’t mean there is no love within the family. It is simply that we assume certain ways of relating to each other. A small church is like that. People are just there and we take them for granted. Like a family, we don’t get to choose our fellow church members. (Oh how I wish Christians would understand this fundamental truth; in heaven we will be joined by such a rag-bag of individuals whom we would never choose to be friends on earth. Church is always going to have a dim reflection of heaven about its corporate life).

I will happily – no, I don’t mean happily; I will re-phrase – I will openly concede that it happens that people in church may be going through a difficult time and others in the fellowship do not recognise that they have cares and concerns. Perhaps your own lives are such that you do not want to be taken for granted – you feel a need to be given a hug by someone – be it a real or a metaphorical hug. Does this not happen in family life? Do you conclude that your family is not for you and you will go and find another? Surely that is the attitude of a 10-year old, not a mature adult.

Let me tell you a little about Mrs Livingstone which you don’t know (because few people do, because she doesn’t talk about it). She and Mr Livingstone had only been married for 3 years when he developed cancer. Modern medicine probably could have helped him but we are talking about 40-odd years ago. As he grew rapidly sicker she discovered she was pregnant. He died and 5 weeks after his death she gave birth to a beautiful, but still-born, little girl. In the dark-shadowed providence of God she never found another husband and so remains a widow to this day. She is of a generation and type of person that does not share feelings in the way that you do. I don’t think it is unfair to say that deep down she is still somewhat bitter and resentful of people who enjoy happy family lives. What is amazing is that she exercises a strong commitment to Christ. But still, after all these years, she bears something of a grudge and this emerges in her nippiness with other people and their children. She possibly has treated you badly – but then we all treat each other badly. However, you cannot judge a whole congregation on one person’s failing. Would you like people to take one of your worst weaknesses and make it a yardstick by which all your life and the life of those you associate with are judged?

What I am trying to say is that I fear that in the matter of Christian “fellowship” (whatever that jargon word means) you are setting a high ideal for us to meet and I do not think we will ever find that high quality fellowship you crave because a congregation is a collection of people who are sinners by nature and alienated from each other by the fall. To varying degrees the Holy Spirit is doing his recreating, sanctifying work in us, but none of us is perfect. When you were part of Central Baptist in your last home city you were part of a company of some 800 or so on a Sunday morning. Now you are, or have been, in company of 80. Gone is the ability to pick and chose whom you will have as friends. The biblical model has changed. You are now no longer coming to the great assembly of the faithful; you are part of a rather small and isolated branch of the family of God where the smallness of the company emphasises the warts and wrinkles of us all. It is different and it can be difficult. Maybe it is too difficult for you.

I have already written too much but I will write again about the other “issues” you have with us.

Neil